Video and Letters To Julie

Here is a movie with moments from our last X-Mas and Pictures from Julie’s life.

This is a letter I wrote to my Mom on her 50th birthday:

Sent 6/17/2008

Dear Mom,

I wanted to wish you a happy happy 50th birthday! I hope you had an amazing day, and I know you’re at peace today, and have found a place where you can be happy and not have to worry about all of your troubles.

Know that your boys had a great dinner tonight, and celebrated your life today with Pacificos and Coronas at two different mexican restaurants (Its a long story…). We wish you could have been there, but you were with us in spirit, and we had so many good things to say about you, and how much with both miss you. If only you could have seen your two bearded boys being so strong, and finding so much strength and positiveness coming out an experience that has left you so far away.

I’ve been imagining you every night before I go to sleep, and all the fun times we’ve had, I’ve seen you in my dreams once, and now I can’t wait to go to sleep…. But seriously mom, your b-day is a big deal, and I want you to know, even though your gone, you will not be forgotten! Were going to have a big party this weekend at Grandma’s house, and you can be sure that we’ll be playing scrabble, drinking pacificos, and grandma’s margaritas! The only thing that would make it better, well, of course, is obvious— but just like that time we rented “monster” and watched it on your love seat, we’ll just have to make do with not the best circumstances, and we all know you’ll be watching over us from your place where no harm can reach you.

I know you were supposed to get “inked” up today….and just wanted to let you know that me and Walt are going to be getting tattoos in your memory, and honoring your spirit and always remembering the wonderful things you embodied. Were going to take your ideas and make them are own, so a part of you will always be with us wherever we go. So before I run out of room on this card (like you often did telling me how much you love), just know that I think about you everyday, and that my love for you will never die, even when I do, which hopefully won’t be for a long time All my love,

Matt, Aka, 2 and a half, aka foofer, aka your baby boy.
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Sent in 2006 shortly after you left:

To my angel:

I don’t know where to start or what to say to you, but I know your watching over me right now and looking down at me smiling. You gave me so much love and happiness and I cherish every moment we spent together good and bad. You stayed up with me when I was sick as a little kid, you made everything feel safe and warm in a scary world for a kid who had pneumonia over 20 times, and needed a breathing machine half the time just to get through the night.

You were the best mother a person could have; you always did let me win at scrabble and other board games, and would give me rides to pleasure point and watch me surf for hours on end. I remember about a year ago you would spy on my Myspace every morning before work to check up on me and see how I was doing; then I started calling you everyday so you wouldn’t have to. You could spy on me whenever you want Mama, and I know you’re getting this message right now. I love so much, you were the nicest sweetest person Ive ever met. On Wednesday when you passed away, my life changed, the volume switch was turned down (just like we used to mute commercials before we had Tivo).

Everything is numb to me right now; it doesnt make sense why you were taken from this world. I know that you would want me to be happy and live my life, and I will be happy someday very soon I promise. Im so glad that you were so happy before you passed. You had an amazing place to live in; you were going back to school to get your B.A. degree (you already had your master teachers degree). You had just celebrated your birthday in Hawaii, you were living a life full of love in which you gave the moon and stars to your two sons, who loved you more than you could ever know. I will be a better person for you mom, I will take your spirit everywhere I go, and give the world all the love and beauty and gentleness that you possessed. You made the world a better place and you lit up my life, I can still hear the sound of your voice whispering in my ear, I can still feel the softness of your long red hair in the tips of my fingers, I can still see your tall lanky body standing in the kitchen making me a sandwich or one of your many microwavable treats. I can still feel your tall skinny body retreating yet embracing me as I would give you the biggest bear hug in the whole world never wanting to let go.

There are so many things that I would say to you right now, my last words to you on the Monday before you left me were I love you mama, Ill see you soon. The last time I saw you in March we were celebrating finding you the perfect condo, which was right across the street from your church and a very nice place to live I might add. We had pacificos and Margaritas to celebrate. When I was at the airport headed back home you kissed me goodbye on the lips and told me you loved me. God I wish I could have that moment back and stay there forever. In the postcard you sent me from Hawaii last week you told me that we would go together soon I think Ill go to Hawaii and drink a pacifico for you.

I will see you again Mama, know that you gave me everything in this world that a mom could give, and I love you for that. I know you will be in my heart and guide me through this life; I will live my life to the fullest and I love you! You will always be with me with every breath I take, and I will never live down your grace and all the beauty you showed this world. I will never be alone now that I have an angel watching over me. Cheers to you sweet mama,

Love Matt.